Object lesson from a chopped hand

For those of you who don't know, or more correctly, who actually care- over Labor Day weekend, I went home and there waiting for me was Cali (ie Caliente). :) She is a beauty of car with a good chunk of character. She and I are getting to know each other and I must say, I'm pretty fond of her. So there's for a late update on that crazy part of life.

About 2 weeks ago, I was making guac and in the process of getting the nut out of the avocado, I stabbed my hand. Awesome, right? It was my left hand, which just happens to be my dominant hand. Even cooler. Add on top of that that the cut was really deep, but not long, and you've got one stitch on the palm that had to be all bandaged up so that everything would heal correctly. How pathetic is that? Real pathetic. But the worst part of the whole thing was how humbling the experience was and I was reminded of my dependence upon God. Have a gimp hand for a week and it teaches you patience and humility and makes you deeply appreciate the blessings and health that God has given you.

But that's not what I'm here to talk about. See the same day as when I stabbed my hand, there had been 2 instances of talk about 1 Corinthians 12, in which Paul uses the image of the body to describe the church and its spiritual gifts. Literally all week, I read and hear 1 Corinthians 12 either in class, chapel, or mentioned by a friend. The greatest time hit me when my good ol' professor Bob emailed me about my hand and what it was teaching me about the body of Christ. It hit me like a brick wall. Do I really appreciate the body of Christ in the sense of allowing others to really excel and being OK with that? Am I using the gifts and talents that God has given my fellow classmates, friends, family, church members and co-workers? The answer was "no." My eyes are now tuned to it and I am realizing that probably one of the reasons Paul talks so much about unity is because unity is the biggest problem in the Church. It's the deadliest threat and the first thing to break in any difficult or good situation. My desire and hope, especially as I will soon hopefully enter into full time ministry soon, is to be a person willing to delegate, listen, respect, and above all be humble enough to be OK with others ideas, debates, and talents. I never want to be doing ministry fully on my own. It's no fun that way and it's not the way of Christ.

If all we needed was to find the princess....

It's interesting how ironic some learning experiences can be. This past summer, Grace did a series of finances and at the leadership summit, I was reconvicted that when things get rough, that's when I need to cling to Jesus the most. I am thankful to have learned this early on in my life, but it's so easy to forget when you are filled with the blessings on God and nothing is really going wrong.

This past week and a half have been stretching in area that I've never truly had to deal with before. My car was totaled and my computer crashed in the same week. Note that I go back to school on Wednesday and start classes 2 weeks from today. I've had to buy a bike and books for classes and apply for this year's loan too. So it's all been awesome timing, but then again, when is it ever good? I'm learning what it means to trust God for all financial needs and really starting to grasp that since God owns it all, it is his to give to us or take away. While he may not provide us with $5000, he does give us all our needs.

Each day I've been learning something. Small or large. Funny or serious.

• It's quite annoying trying to rent a car when your under 25. You can do it, but it sure is a hassle that may be best not to mess with.
• When going on a bike ride, it's best to have more than coffee, an Oram's donut, and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You need more substance, especially when you decide to ride in 90 degree weather with 80% humidity.
• Everytime I'm home, I difficulty remember that PA is not like IN. It's a much higher altitude and has hills. What are the odds? Makes it much more difficult on the heart and breathing when you're not used to it. :)
• Watching Inception 3 times will do something wierd to your brain.
• The line between want and need becomes very fine when deciding between a Dell and a Mac.
• Patience is something I will continually be learning about throughout my lifetime. Given the circumstances (like not hearing about money for my car 2 days before I leave), I'm terribly impatient. I also can't stand waiting in lines.
• Parents are wonderful people.
• Super Mario Brothers is a great way to get out frustration. It's also a great way to give you more frustration. :)

I know that all I need to do it trust God in each and every situation. He cares about our money, our schedule, and the characteristics we know we need to change. He's got it covered and all he askes is that we follow his leading.

Crashed Weekends and Bittersweet Spaces

After an eventful weekend, full of ups and downs (with more downs than ups), I am home from one of the best summers I have ever had. In short, my poor car got smashed (and the accident ended two cars ahead of me) on Saturday by a pregnant woman. And while it's super frustrating, especially since I had to fly home today and am not in Indiana to be with Guapo, I can't help but think about what I learned at the leadership summit. God sure has a way of making you practice what you learn. So, I will trust that everything will work out, that God is in control, and pray for a fixed/new car and possibly $5000 (The money because one of my friends got that much from an accident. Hey- it's worth a try, right? :-)) I'm just glad to be home at this point and ready to soak in the next week and a half of nothing before going back to school.

All in all, this whole week has been extremely bittersweet. I have fond memories of the experiences I had at Grace and the friends that I made. God was made new and fresh to me in a way I had been missing out on for a while. I have discovered new passions and desires in my life that I didn't know were there. For example, I love being challenged and am not satisfied with easy answers. I never want to think that I know everything about my faith. I always want to turn hard questions over in order to come closer to the truth or to be affirmed in what I already believe.

Second, I love (and possibly crave) experiences that take me out of my comfort zone. I want to go places where God is clearly present and where love is desperately needed. I will not be satisfied with staying in my comfort zone and I plan on taking people with me. Some day, I hope to be so compelled that people can't help but come with me into places they've never been before and meeting people they would never otherwise meet. I really don't know what all this means, but I fully hope to develop this desire (and maybe a direction for life) in the next year. This is because if I would describe the summer in any way, it would be that I have come out not having a clue with what to do with my life besides that I know that I'm called to love God and love others through full time ministry. Awesome. So direction? I could use some.

And for now, I just feels weird being in this spot of my life. I'm heading into my senior year of college. Weird. Seriously, where did time go? Next thing you know, I'm going to have life 5 kids in the back of a mini van. But for real, the world is at my fingertips; I'm in a place where there are endless possibilities and that's awesome and scary all at once. But, no worries. I'm not going to at least because I still have 9 months, am going to FULLY enjoy my senior year (in every sense) and know that if my ears are tuned for God's whisperings, He will give me direction and I will know what He wants me to do with him. And right now, that's finish school. :-)

Walking with Jesus

This past week, I walked with Jesus and I..... learned... listened... stretched... grew... loved...

A group of 23 Access members went to Toronto to find Jesus. He is exactly what we found- in the person, conversations, and experiences. We saw Jesus in the people we met and we were Jesus to those who needed him. And because I could probably write a novel about everything that I saw and experienced, this post will be in bullet point. :-)

• Brian was a homeless man who got to eat a hotdog and fries finally after a long day. All he wanted in the world was a bed.
  
• Sindiswa had been in prison with Nelson Mandella (yup, that's right). She was one of the smartest, intelligent, and hospitable women I have ever met. I deeply appreciate and respect her view of life and politics. And she gave me a free mug. :-)
• Gary was a man who struggled with language, drugs, and alcohol, but loved Jesus the best he knew how. He knew the Bible better than most people I know, but I have never heard Jesus talked about correctly while still using the F bomb every 2 words.
• There's something freeing when caucasions are dancing with others at an African festival.
• Community dinners are by far better than having food all to yourself.
• Loneliness kills. Community revives.
• Which is more broken: a prostitute who must give away her body to survive? Or the girl at the club who freely gives it away?
• All people should be loved, respected, and shown dignity. Even if their bedroom is outside.
• Everyone has a story. Everyone wants to share their story. Not everyone gets to share it.
• Jesus is everywhere, no matter how broken the world seems. Hope rises.
• If you want to learn about joy and purity, hang out with a child.
• If you want to have the ultimate time of your life, play with a pool with many children.
• Sometimes loving someone means helping them rob a bag a chips for their hummus. :-)
• People are attracted to those who can stay pure and have a good time- like playing duck duck goose in the middle of a city, crawling through a cardboard sign, or climbing on construction poles.
• Which do we want: someone to say "the prayer" or a changed heart?
• When it comes to communion, I want a whole lot of Jesus.
• Death is the worst and ultimate evil. The good news is that Jesus has conquered death!
• Life is good. Life should be celebrated. It's good to be alive!
• Jesus keeps us safe. Simple, yet so true.
• Wisdom comes from hard and difficult trials.
  
• There is beauty in painting next to a homeless homosexual man.
• If the church isn't caring, loving, and hospitable to someone, they will find that community somewhere else.
• The church should be accepting of any new believer, no matter where they are in life. But it shouldn't be satisfied in keeping them there.
• Peace is found in the simplest of interactions.
• We are all beggars. Some of us just know where to find the bread.
  

Ho-Lee-Chow, I could go on. I am just in awe of my Savior and the life he has given me. Love wins.

Denying your cross?

I tell you, people at Grace really make you think. I think I'm reading the most books I have never read at one time this summer and it's awesome! I have never been so challenged to consider why I believe what I believe or how I believe what I believe like I am this summer. What does it mean to say that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life? Am I modern or postmodern in my thinking? How does the way I live and think and the way others think and live affect how I evangelize? What is evangelism? These are just a few of the craziness going on in my head. I want to specifically talk about one part of the thoughts right now.

Jesus says this in his gospels: "²⁴Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. ²⁵For whoever wants to save his life^a]">will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." (Matthew 16:24-25)

The interns just finished Greg Paul's book, God in the Alley. Seriously people, this is a must read. The tag line is "Being and seeing Jesus in a broken world" and it's a collection of stories from Sanctuary, a church community in Toronto, that illustrate ways to see and be Jesus outside of common normalities. One of the guys is Patrick, whose story sounds like hell. But he tells it to students each day who come to learn about the community. Each day, he goes through the pain of his story for the benefit of Jesus and the students. Each day it hurts. And each day, his story is being redeemed. It's his way of denying himself and taking up his cross.

I get all of that. And I like it a lot. But what in the world does it mean for the person who has grown up in the church, loves and follows Jesus the best way they know how, completely understands that they are sinful and have been forgiven, and never experienced any terrible part of their walk of faith or "major" rebellion? I mean, practically, day to day, how do they daily take up their cross and deny themselves? I asked this today and was not satisfied the the answer. I get that eventually they will have to deal with something difficult and that at some point they are going to need to spread their wings and move out of their comfort zone. And yes, they do need to be using their gifts and talents. But is using gifts and talents, things that we should enjoy and be happy to share with others, really ways to deny self and take up a cross? To deny our self and take up our cross is not pleasant in any means. It's dealing with pain and suffering- all the ugly persecuting things that sane people will push away from.

So I'm left with my original question. Does it mean trucking through day to day life no matter how boring, mundane, or exciting it is? I definitely think there is a way- I'm just trying to figure out what it looks like.

Packing in a Summer of Experience

It's been two weeks since I started my internship and it seems like I've learned more than at a month of school and met more people than in the first semester of coming to Taylor. Needless to say, after two weeks, it's clear: I'm loving my internship and I'm loving the people.

Grace is huge. A whopping 6000 attenders huge. Danny, a fellow intern, has decided that he feels like he works in an airport. It might not be an airport, but it is large and it's awesome hearing about what God has done at Grace and what he is still doing. I work in Student Ministries, which includes middle school, high school, and 18-25 yr olds.

I don't even know where to start to describe what I'm learning and what I'm doing. As the Access (college and graduate age) intern, I am doing an incredible amount: co-leading the freshmen small group, teaching at multiple Worship Gatherings, helping plan the Toronto and Haiti mission trips, planning socials, meeting one-on-one with people, getting things ready for the meetings, working on databases. I'm so excited about the breath and depth to all of it. I'm loving working in the SM office. The people are 1. awesome 2. super cool (I mean, what do you expect from people who work with students?) and 3. hilarious. I feel completely at home with them and love that I can dish out as much as they throw at me. There are some great people here.

There are 4 other interns too. 2 of them work with Grace Kids Company, 1 with Fuse (middle school) and 1 with Worship Arts. Each Thursday, we have Round Table together where we discuss and dig into hard topics with a purpose of falling more in love with Jesus and being apart of his Kingdom. When the first questions are "What are the way, the truth, and the life and how are they related," you know that Thursday mornings are going to be a highlight even if your brain is full for a whole day by 10:30 am. I'll probably end up blogging a lot about the discussions happening over Round Table.

As interns, we also get the opportunity to shadow the other ministries within the church. This will be a neat and valuable experience to observe the whole of the church and how each small branch of the church works for the overall purpose. Just like it should be in the body of Christ. With Danny, I shadowed GKC, which is more of the main reasons families come to Grace and after being with the team for a day, it's no wonder. That thing is a huge well oiled machine with it's 15 team members, 900 volunteers, and 300 kids 0-2 yrs old alone on a given weekend. Grace has one of the most unique and strong childrens' ministry that I have seen or heard of. It takes awhile to explain but pretty much kids (starting at infants) are learning how to do church, having a main large group worship time and then a small group time. It's incredible and something that I wish more churches were able to do. This Sunday, I will actually get to see it in action. Sunday will also my first Access Worship Gathering- bring it on.

What I really wish is that I could journal throughout my day about things before moving on to another. This is turning out to be one of my favorite summers. God is really doing something in my heart and I don't know if that's just healing it and making it stronger in order to be given out to other or what. Whatever he's doing, it is so good.

The Almost Real World- Day 1

I started my internship today and I am completely exhausted, but so excited for what the summer has in store! Last night, the Access leadership team met to eat some pizza, meet each other, and talk a little bit about the summer. I am really pumped to get to know everyone- the culture and community of Access is so hospitable and authentic, which is something that they value. Along with a guy that I haven't met yet, I will be leading the freshmen small group. I have a feeling that this could potentially be the highlight of my summer because I love freshmen A LOT, am excited to teach more, and LOVE making and building new relationships. I have plenty in mind that I want to do this summer. It's going to definitely be packed with learning, experiences, conversations, planning, teaching, relationships, and direction, but I feel ready to soak it all in.

Really the only thing I'm concerned about at this point is be refreshed and not getting burned out right away. I just left Taylor on Sunday, moved in my stuff, and started the internship. I am going to need to be deliberate to get adequate rest and rejuvenation so that I can be completely present and able throughout the whole summer. I'm just praising Jesus for a boss who understands and is sensitive to others' needs.

Lightening Speed

First of all, it's been quite awhile again since I posted. To celebrate this momentous occasion, I changed up the layout. Did you notice? But the sad thing is that I just spent over an hour trying to figure out how to put a picture on here and still came out unsuccessful. Ridiculous.

Secondly, some day soon I will post my Lighthouse letter. In short, it was one of the best experiences of my life and it seems like ages ago that I was there.

My goodness, this was a fast school year!! I'm sitting here, having completed my junior year, and memories from 9 months ago flood my mind. I can feel the excitement of new freshmen and a fresh start. Now it's over and I can honestly say that despite it's ups and downs, this has been my best year at college so far. After some intense figuring out times figuring out myself 1st semester, I found my groove at Taylor. I am enjoying my classes and classmates more and more. I got to live and invest in girls that make me laugh a lot and I consider my sisters. Sure, they drive me up a wall sometimes, but I still love them to death. As a wing, we had some incredibly hard circumstances to face, but I am so proud and thankful for the attitudes and presence of the girls. They are strong, capable, and so joyful even in the midst of intense trials.

Each year, there seems to be a theme to what God is teaching me. Over the course of the past three years, the overall theme has been to be faithful and trust God no matter what is happening. This year, God has been teaching me about trusting God in every situation, both great and small. He will help you get through a night and the next day on 2 hours of sleep. He will also give you strength when all you want to do is crawl into a hole and be invisible for a while after a painful break up.

I continually feel overwhelmed at the love God pours out to me each and every day, despite my lack of desire to be with him. I have had the best room on campus this year. The view from it is incredible and everyday God presented me with gifts of his handiwork. He makes some beautiful sunsets and some powerful storm clouds. Looking at those, it's hard to be anxious when you see the majesty of God and how he is in control. I have seen his love for me poured out during those quiet, dark, and lonely times too. There was one time (OK many times) when I sat in my room or in the prayer chapel and didn't have words to describe what I was feeling. I felt hurt and misunderstood, but Jesus' loving presence would wrap around me so much that I could feel his arm around me and imagine with perfect clarity him sitting next to me pouring his perfect love on me.

Human beings will always fall short. Parents, siblings, teachers, friends, boyfriends, bosses- they will all mess up at some point, so always be willing to shower them with grace and mercy. And the beautiful thing is that Jesus will never ever hurt you. He will never leave you. He will never be wishy-washy, mean, or spiteful. But he will always love, always protect, always comfort, always show grace, and always be there. How awesome is that! Seriously.

I leave Taylor on Sunday and start my practicum on Sunday. Boy, oh boy. It's going to be CRAZY!! I'm working in Noblesville, IN at Grace Community Church as the Access ministry intern. I'm pumped for a summer in full-time ministry and can't wait to learn insane amounts of things. It's also going to be pretty busy, but it's all filled with fun things. Maybe possibly, I will actually use this thing to keep up with what I'm learning. Don't hold your breath.